ExposedNYC

As a busy New Yorker, struggling to establish my career, “friends with benefits” sounds like the ideal situation. You get sexual satisfaction with someone you trust and feel comfortable with, but are free from the time consuming responsibilities that a relationship entails. If only it were as simple as it sounded.

Two years ago, after moving to a new city where I didn’t know many people, I was thrilled to meet a guy I’ll call “Rugby”, because I was fascinated by the fact that on the east coast, people actually played this sport. He was also a bartender at the lounge I frequented after work. After a few weeks of flirting, he gave me his number and asked if I would like to get together outside of the lounge. We had a few casual dates before one late night and a few cocktails landed us in bed together at my apartment.

The next day, I got the call every woman dreads- the “let’s just be friends” conversation. Rugby claimed to have a bad habit of cheating on girlfriends and didn’t want to get into a relationship where he would eventually hurt me. Amazingly enough, Rugby followed through on his promise, and we remained friends, developing a ritual of movies, drinks, and karaoke with his friends.

What I didn’t plan on was falling for one of his friends. I met “friend with benefits” (who I’ll call “Fred” for short) at their favorite karaoke bar a few weeks after Rugby ended things. Fred was an aspiring actor, and after chatting all night, he asked if I’d like to get together sometime. I was hesitant at first, but figured since Rugby had given up his chance, and I didn’t know many people, why should I turn down someone who was clearly interested?

Things with Fred didn’t work out either. We had a few great dates, but after an amazing job interview, when I realized that he wasn’t anywhere on my list of people I wanted to call first, it was my turn to have the “better off as friends” talk.

I didn’t want to give up my new social circle, but the three of us were bound to run into each other again. We all managed to not only get over the awkward first time hanging out together, but to develop sort of a mutual understanding. There have been nights since when, after a few beers and no other prospects, I’ve ended up going home with either Rugby or Fred. We’ve all accepted that we weren’t meant for each other, and flirt freely with other people throughout the night, but it’s nice to have a back up plan when last call rolls around.

I’ve never come across a “scheduling problem”, until tonight, which I’m a little nervous about. When Rugby invited me to his birthday celebration tonight, he joked that by the end of the night he would be drunk and wanting to make out. Fred invited me over last Friday night, and was definitely disappointed when I turned him down. I’m worried that I may end up hurting someone’s feelings if I get put in a position of having to choose.

The problem with just being “friends” is that the second you add anything more, feelings can’t help but get involved. Neither of these guys is my boyfriend, but they might definitely be affected by my actions. My roommate laughed at me last night when, upon questioning who my choice would be, my reply was, “I have to go with Rugby- he is the birthday boy!” I’m honestly just hoping that the two of them are too drunk to even care by the end of the night.

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