Forgive Him or Forget It?
We all know that forgiveness is a virtue, but when does it cross the line into being naïve? My mother has always worried that I don’t stand up for myself often enough, and my roommate thinks I’m too quick to forgive guys. Their concerns and my behavior were put test yesterday morning.
When my phone goes off before noon, I usually assume it’s from someone who doesn’t know me so I ignore it. This was particularly true the morning I woke up at Fred’s house. I checked my message the first moment I got alone, when he went to use the bathroom, and was shocked at what I saw. Cash had sent me a message saying “good morning”! It had been four days since we had plans and he was acting as if nothing was wrong?
I decided to ignore it until leaving Fred’s house, mostly to avoid explaining if I had to continue checking response messages. The second I left him and headed home, I replied “Are you serious?” And, when he didn’t seem to get it, I followed up with “You stood me up on Friday”. Then he called, which I sent directly to voice mail, and proceeded to apologized because, apparently he didn’t realize we had plans and had been out of the state all weekend.
I’ve been debating ever since how to proceed. Half of me wants to write him off and walk away, because I obviously wasn’t high on his priority list if he could “forget” plans, but half of me is saying I jumped to interpreting that we had plans too quickly, and should give him a chance to explain. As much as I want to hold a grudge, it becomes tough to believe it was intentional when for the past two days he’s left messages asking me to please call him so we can talk. I’ve begun to question whether I overreacted.
When do you pass the point of forgiveness? Am I ready to walk away from a cute guy who seems interested over what may have been a misunderstanding? If I continue to talk to him, have I established that I won’t stand for that kind of treatment or does forgiving him reinforce that he can get away with it again? I’ve decided to at least have a conversation with him, so that I can judge for myself how valid his excuse is, and because I can’t bear to just leave someone hanging with no response. I’ve always wanted to know why someone wouldn’t call me back, even if it was a negative conversation.
I’ve been able to dwell a little less obsessively on not seeing him again because I’m seeing “Pool Boy”, the one my friend offered to set me up with, tomorrow night. It’s not a completely blind date, because I’ve seen him out at one the games in her billiards league, and he saw me, so we know there’s a physical attraction. During our two minute conversation today, deciding on a time to meet, our conversation flowed pretty comfortably. If tomorrow night goes well, maybe it’ll give me a reason to write off Cash completely.
October 19th, 2006 at 1:23 pm
Seems like your a very busy girl within the dating scene. It’s interesting to me this Cash has gotten to you. You talk about Hook up buddies, text sex, etc, -but a guy doesn’t show up for a date and that’s what makes you mad? What should piss you off - is that 2 men that are friends both have relations with you…that you have men who are willing to have sex with (real or text) but nothing else, and that your writing off a man who you really seemed to like with no explanation. The WORST thing to do is judge before you know the situation - as a woman I know this is hard especially if you’ve been damaged in the past by a crap man. You’ve never forgotten something before? There is a difference between having a boyfriend, dating, and hooking up. The fact your bent about Cash while the morning of his text your in a bathroom having sex with someone else makes zero sense. You and Cash were not even ‘dating’ just in the get to know you stage. Maybe he had a family emergency - business trip - who knows… point it cut the guy some slack you seem to do that for every other guy in your life. Don’t look for trouble when it’s not there.