ExposedNYC

I know that New Years is still a few days away, but I’ve already made one resolution. I’m going to stop judging my friends’ relationship decisions. I sure as hell have made some mistakes in my past, but they were my mistakes, not based on anyone else’s advice. Spending this trip with my girlfriends has given me a few examples of why I need to do this.

The day after Christmas everyone is finished celebrating with their families and ready to hit the town. I got together with the girls for coffee, where I was invited to see a movie with Jodie and Troy. My first instinct was to question why she was hanging out with him again, but instead I bit my tongue and had a nice time (until some obnoxious little brats talked through the whole movie, but that’s a separate issue). If he makes her happy, who am I to interfere?

Kate, one of my oldest friends, is still dating a guy I think is perfect for her, which makes this a little easier. Whenever she has had doubts I’ve constantly reminded her of everything great about him, and encouraged her not to run away from this one. But, once again, I’m not with them every day. If she were truly unhappy (which luckily I don’t think she is), she has the right to leave even the perfect guy.

The worst was when Callie and I got into a little bit of a blowout on the subject over brunch. As she described the guy she’s going to visit over New Year’s we got into what I thought was a light-hearted discussion of what a “player” means. I didn’t realize she felt personally attacked and thought that we were criticizing her decision. I definitely don’t want to see her get hurt by this man, but I have to allow her to trust her own judgment the same way I expect people who don’t agree with me to trust mine.

Girlfriends can definitely fall into giving relationship advice freely and constantly. It’s almost expected nowadays. But, there is a thin line between giving your opinion when asked and trying to dictate someone’s life. When there is real, actual danger, such as an abusive relationship, it is always acceptable to intervene. Otherwise, I’m going to try to let my girls live their own love lives, and be waiting in the wings for some good stories when they finish.

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