ExposedNYC

We all have an idea in our head of the perfect romance. It starts with that ideal story of how we met, planned a perfect date, waited until the right moment to become intimate, and blurted out “I love you” only to discover that they had been waiting to say it back.

Sadly, I don’t think this is realistic. As an avid movie-goer I love a neatly wrapped story with no character left out to dry. But relationships, their beginnings and endings, come in all different shapes and sizes.

I’ve learned to adjust my expectations. Different men in my life fill very different voids in my life. One of the reason I maintained an ongoing relationship with Fred is that, although we weren’t supremely compatible, he taught me things about physical intimacy that will make me happier and more confident in subsequent relationships.

My platonic male friends have taught me to relate and talk to men on an equal level. When you take sex out of the equation, our meeting of the minds on politics, sports, or culture become based on the fact that we respect and value each other’s opinions as opposed to smiling and nodding to get someone into bed.

A friend asked me the other day if I was bothered that I hadn’t talked to Canada recently. I realized I could answer honestly that I would like to hear from him again, but that if it didn’t happen I would be happy with the memory of a great night and accept it at that.

And, it’s just when your expectations are lowered that you tend to be pleasantly surprised. While working, when an IM popped up with his name asking how I was doing and apologizing for being swamped with work, I smiled. I didn’t judge his response or jump to the conclusion that our “relationship” was back on, I was just happy to hear from him.

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