ExposedNYC

There comes a certain point when you realize you want more. Now, I may be jinxing myself right now, since every person I know in a relationship says that it comes along just when you’ve stopped looking for it. What I can say, is that I’ve subconsciously ruled out the meaningless hook-up.

I went out for drinks last night with a group of guys in town from Australia that a friend was entertaining. We headed out to dinner, chatted about their previous travels after over a month on “holiday”, and had a generally jovial good time.

Knowing that these guys were getting on a plane the next day, it didn’t cross my mind for a second that any of them could be a romantic prospect. In fact, I was regretting my decision to tag along in the first place, because I set myself up for a night of small talk with people I’ll probably never see again. I called it an early night, claiming an early day of work the next day, while they continued on to find a good pub.

It didn’t completely hit me until the next day, when my friend mentioned that one of them had asked about me later in the night. Apparently, I had been completely oblivious of any interest, because I had already written off the possibility of anything coming out of it. I was even surprised at myself, because I’m generally a sucker for an accent, and had a brief fling with an adorable Australian guy on vacation here last year, who I still talk to on occassion.

I guess it was just the finality of being the last night. My cynicism won out, thinking that there was no chance of any of these guys actually wanting to have a conversation. It was their last night in town, so I projected a load of male intentions on them without ever giving them a chance.

I honestly don’t think I let my future husband go last night, but I definitely want to analyze my train of thought. I’ve seen friends get into the habit of turning dating into interviewing for a future husband, and missing plenty of good times in between. Part of me defends my actions as a matter of self-respect, but if romance can truly pop up when you least expect it, I better make an effort to see it through shades of rationale.

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