ExposedNYC

Everybody’s got one- your most embarrassing intimate moment. To my dismay, and my friend’s delight, I have many which have provided hours of laughter, and some very inspired ideas for Steve Carrell’s next movie.

Today’s story begins on a summer evening, at a frat party. The kind of night where we kept our swimsuits on underneath our party clothes, because with the warm air and rambunctious crowd, we could easily be tossed into a pool.

I grabbed one of the Bud Lights overflowing from a garbage can (you never know what’s in the mystery punch available for the girls) and grabbed a seat in the hammock with my roommate. People-watching becomes a championship sport at a frat party, and we liked to narrate it in the tone of The Discovery Channel.

“The female species stands gathered in flocks, feathers perfectly preened…as the alpha male approaches, his competitors puff up their chests…spying a vulnerable young female who has lost her flock, he goes in for the kill…”

Mid-pounce, my current crush interrupted our game. He had grown up in a nearby tribe, and we knew of each other, but had never officially met until college. The first time I visited one of his frat brothers and started to introduce myself he responded with, “I know who you are.”

He was a basketball player, with enough confidence to be attractive, but enough bench time to keep him modest. I also knew he was raised by a good family so I trusted him. At each of the last few parties, we ended up sneaking away to a deserted room for some great make-out sessions.

So, we ended up in his room and, thinking I should pull out one of my smoothest moves to keep his predatory interest, I sat up and grabbed the bottom of my shirt with both hands, to pull it over my head in one impressive movement. Now, before you start guessing, it didn’t get stuck on my face. I reached both arms above my head, back slightly arched, with him grinning up at me…until I realized I was still moving.

My enthusiasm had created a momentum that left me toppling backwards off the bed, my face turning the color of a red-breasted robin, and my instincts had moments to decide how to respond. I decided to channel my inner-hyena, laugh it off, and crawl back up to my prey. He was kind enough to respond with a bear-hug and never mention the incident again.

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