ExposedNYC

When Fred, a friend who I had an ongoing casual relationship with, told me that had found a girlfriend, I told myself I was fine with it. I knew he wasn’t the one for me, and we’d even tried dating and it didn’t work out.

I also knew that it would inherently change our relationship. As much as he insisted that it was important for us to maintain our friendship, the next few times I asked what he was doing or suggested catching up, I didn’t get much of a response. It used to be instant.

I know it’s selfish, but I do miss losing a relationship that definitely supplemented my single life. It’s not even about the physical relationship, but Fred always seemed generally intent on hearing what was going on in my life and what I had to say. That’s hard to find in people in general.

So, as much as I want to be the bigger person and prove that we can be friends, I admit that I’m pulling away, too. Definitely for myself, but at least a little bit out of respect for her.

Fred invited me to her surprise birthday party the other night. She and I are friendly, and we share many common friends, so this wasn’t an outrageous gesture. I was completely intent on going, but began to waver as it approached.

After a long day at work, I just couldn’t muster up the energy to make the trek. I also knew that, although all three of us have seen each other since and put on our best “let’s-smile-and-pretend-this-isn’t-awkward-faces”, she would be less comfortable with me around, and this day was supposed to be all about her.

I may be losing someone who filled a void in my life, but he may have found the one that he’s looking for. I can only hope that it’s good for my relationship karma to try not be any sort of barrier to their happiness.

Share This