Sloth vs. Dilligence
The strangest things can motivate you in a work environment. Unsatisfied in my current situation, I’ve found myself nostalgic for the silly inter-office rituals of my last job, doing underpaid bookkeeping. What kept me going is that I could be absentmindedly humming a song from Dreamgirls, and when I reached “Got me a Cadillac…” the other girls would respond in unison with, “Cadillac, Cadillac!” just to make me laugh.
I haven’t felt that kind of camaraderie for a single moment at my newest position. Still, I was shocked at my own irresponsibility when I realized I forgot to call my current job and let them know that I wouldn’t be in the office on Monday due to a delayed flight. I was even more surprised when I didn’t get a phone call or even any acknowledgement in response.
I have never been one to blow off responsibility. When I was bussing tables in high school and faced with a broken thumb, I showed up in a half-cast and convinced my boss that it would only help increase my tips. But lately I’ve realized that any extra effort just isn’t being appreciated or expected, which has brought out my inner laziness.
So, I’ve given my notice. Only one more week at a job that makes me dread getting up in the morning and count the minutes on the clock in the corner of my computer screen. I realized when I began obsessively checking my own email fifteen times in a workday, hoping for some cheesy forward about pets in precarious situations or the cute things kids say, that something needed to change.
I’m not sure if I would classify this as diligence, laziness, or just pure indecisiveness but I’ve never been able to stick it out in a situation where I wasn’t happy. I’ve changed career paths multiple times searching for something that leaves me both fulfilled and financially stable. In the same realm, I’ve never stayed in a relationship that I knew wasn’t going anywhere for the sake of having a boyfriend. How can you ever find true happiness if you settle for just good enough?
I can reluctantly admit that I’m guilty of ambitious expectations that don’t necessarily match my drive to achieve them. I tend to gravitate toward things that I’m naturally good at rather than things that I have to work hard for. But hey, according to New York Magazine at least I can blame this one on my parents.