ExposedNYC

I sat down to a pretty universally dreaded event- filing my tax return. With the amount of freelance work I do, this involves the hassle of collecting receipts, itemizing deductions, etc. But, I knew I would sleep better once it was finished.

This was until I couldn’t get my printer to work. I had already gone to two Staples to get more black ink, because of course the first was out of stock, but now I was completely prepared. I just had to print a couple financial statements.

The first time I clicked print, the little monster spat a blank page at me. I took a deep breath, channeling the patience I would use for children, checked all cables and tried again. Another blank white sheet appeared like the taunting tongue of a toddler.

I tried to reason with the technology gods, patiently answering every step-by-step troubleshooting question I could answer, until they had nothing left to offer except the equivalent of throwing up your hands and accepting a tantrum- restart your computer.

As each step built, I felt an uncontrollable rage building in my chest. All I wanted to do was be prepared and responsible and fulfill my civic duty before the deadline. Well, okay, I am also hoping a refund will be involved, but I wasn’t even thinking that far in advance.

When restarting changed nothing, I was overcome with inadequacy, rage, and frustration. How could something so simple be out of my control? I seriously contemplated throwing the printer out of my window, but settled for crushing wadded up balls of paper, hurling a pillow at the couch, and allowing a guttural noise I didn’t know I was capable of crawl up my throat and pry open my clenched teeth to be unleashed.

I realized that much of my frustration was coming from other areas of my life, but this moment of beling teased at the mercy of a bullying printer set me over the edge. Wrath can be an irrational and all-encompassing emotion. I think it’s time for a trip to the gym to blow off some steam.

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