True to Your Heart, You Must Be True to Your Heart
I like to think I’m strong in my convictions, but there are definitely moments that force me to question my judgment. My willpower is kind of like an earthquake-proof building; although it can stand in the face of disaster, it definitely wavers a little to lessen the blow.
I’d been counting down the days to my last day at work. I’ve been fighting my night owl nature for months to get up early, brave the nasty crush of bodies crammed into subway cars during rush hour, and work the daily grind at a small magazine.
Particularly as my last day grew nearer, and my responsibilities grew smaller for a lack of ongoing projects, I started searching for ways to fill my days. Surfing news and gossip sites, I’m more well informed than I’ve ever been, but significantly less fulfilled. An office job has the effect of a house arrest bracelet, making me feel chained in front of a computer screen under the watchful eye of a mostly absent editor.
So, imagine my surprise when on this last day, the president of the company pulled me into his office and asked me to not only reconsider my resignation, but offered me the position of Editor! Is this how my boredom was going to be rewarded? I spent the last hour of work yesterday watching American Idol clips on You Tube!
The title, and question of how much money it would take to keep me around made me long for the life pause button of Zach Morris (or I guess in modern terms, Zach Braff on Scrubs- what is it with the Zach’s and addressing the audience?). My impulsive streak screamed, “Someone values your talents! You should be responsible! This is what grown up life is like!”
But, I listened to the fickle dreamer whispering in my other ear instead. “Remember how good it felt to hit the snooze button this morning?” she purred. “A title won’t cure all of the things that frustrate you. You’re not writing about things that you care about, and you don’t even have a comfortable chair.” I blame my last boss who was actually over-attentive to a comfortable work environment for my obsession with that last one.
It took a month of writing pros and cons lists, but I know what makes me happy, and my poor roommate can testify that it hasn’t happened lately. I’m willing to sacrifice the top of a masthead for working in sweatpants. I’ll trade a regular paycheck for the freedom to take the four trips I have planned so far before the end of the year. I just hope that little voice is around to remind me to re-read this when my next bank statement arrives.