ExposedNYC

I’m always going to have a crush on my first boyfriend. Although we have remained acquainted over the years, part of me never wants to date him again. I would hate to have anything ruin the memories of him picking me up for school in a white Volkswagen Jetta, and being a really good kisser.

Then there’s the other part of me that saw him bartending, discovered that he just finished his masters degree, and heard from a girlfriend that recently ran into him that he’s tired of dating and wants to settle down with the right girl. That side of me likes to picture how cute the toast at our wedding would be explaining that we were high school sweethearts.

If I lived in a romantic comedy, I would have walked into the bar and he would’ve immediately handed me my favorite drink, which he remembered, while our song played on the jukebox (disregard that we dated before we could ever set foot in a bar- this is the movies). Come to think of it, he did remember that I love champagne and offered me a glass, but I refused to let him pop open a bottle just for me.

Okay, back to the movie- he gets off work, we go for a romantic stroll down the beach and discuss everything that’s happened in our lives since. Maybe he has a sad story about an ex-girlfriend who ran off with his best friend. Maybe I’m a war widow who has finally decided to move on. In actuality, Jodie and I just sat at the bar until closing time, hoping the boys would want to hang out afterwards. Luckily, our masterful plan was a complete success.

Oh, but every movie needs conflict, a villain. We convinced the boys that after hours of waiting on us, it was our turn to buy them a drink at a bar up the street. We thought we had this all figured out, except when they mentioned it to the last cocktail waitress on duty and she decided to come with us. In my movie she’s played by Cameron Diaz or Jessica Alba, and this made the jealous hairs stand up on the back of my neck like a black cat Halloween cut-out.

Well, you know in the movies we need a happy ending. In my movie, Jessica Alba gets to the bar, throws her arms around her lesbian girlfriend and gives her a long, passionate kiss. This eliminates her as competition and gives all the guys who were dragged to the movie by their girlfriends a cheap thrill- hey, I’m an equal opportunity director. And unfortunately that’s a wrap, so I’ll have to save my real ending for another day.

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