ExposedNYC

A good friend of mine recently hit her eight year anniversary with her now husband, and they have been married for four. She was approached by an woman at a coffee shop who admired her ring and, upon hearing this news, congratulated her on “beating the odds”.

My immediate response to this was to first, congratulate my friend because of course I’m glad she found the love of her life and hope they are eternally happy together. But, my second reaction was of complete and utter annoyance at the woman. These two people committed their entire lives to each other, and she’s congratulating them for making it four years?!

Think about it- that’s the amount of time you spend in high school. And yes, the divorce rate in this country may be high, but c’mon. We need to either change our vows or change our expectations. I would seriously be okay with either one, but I can’t stand the thought of living with such hipocracy.

I’ll accept if we need to reevaluate our definition of marriage. If we decide to call it “I promise to try to make a life with you as best we can, but if one of us changes drastically or it gets too hard then I’m out of here”, then let’s say that and move on. Secondly, let’s make it as difficult, and expensive, to get married as it is to get divorced. That may force people into thinking twice before commiting to what should be one of the biggest decisions of their lives.

Now, I’m sure I’ll get people who argue against me, claiming anyone who is in love should have the right to declare it in front of the world. I will concede that some of these absolutely make it, and succeed in building a life together. What I would counter with is, if you met the love of your life and are committed to building a life together, would it be such a bad thing to prove right off the bat that you can get through tough times of entering a difficult legal contract together?

Think about it- this could be the person left to raise your children if, God forbid, anything ever happen to you. Or the person left in charge of making decisions on your behalf if you ever end up on life support. This is someone who your entire credit history and financial situation are inherently intertwined with.

And at heart, I’m a romantic. I love to think that someday I’ll find the person to pledge my heart, soul and life to. But, I don’t want to be congratulated when we make it to our first anniversary, or the option of a failed marriage almost becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yes, there are absolutely valid reasons for divorce and ending a marriage, but before we stand in front of our country and whatever possible beliefs and pledge “’till death do us part”, can we make sure that’s what we really mean?

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