ExposedNYC

I’ve come to the realization that the words some women wait years to hear make up one of my least favorite phrases- “You’re the kind of girl I want to marry.” In theory, sure, it’s great, but based on personal experience I’ve found that it is frequently used as a backhanded compliment. I usually get it in context of “I would marry someone like you- but right now I’m either not looking to get married or something is missing.”

Call it the Jackie O/Marilyn Monroe syndrome. Maybe we can chalk it up to the pop culture syndrome of portraying marriage as a nagging, sexless affair. Maybe, as I’ve suggested before, we need to adjust our ideas of what marriage really looks like.

I want to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, with someone I’m attracted to, and with someone I can trust- and I expect to find all of this in one person. And if I met that person tomorrow, whether I think I’m ready to get married tomorrow or in the next decade, I can’t imagine not wanting to spend time with them.

I think what bothers me most is that I don’t take it as an honest compliment. Sure, my outlook may be different if I were in high school, but I’m to a point where I realize that dating is years removed from committing the rest of your life to someone. What I take it to mean is “There are a lot of things I like about you that I would want in a relationship, but there is something lacking that I wish were there.” Otherwise, what would logically follow would be, “I may want to marry you someday, would you like to go on a first date?”

Maybe it’s my rational side that needs to see things, including how to approach dating, as a step-by-step process- I would rather hear what’s missing so that I could work on it. Maybe it’s my lack of time spent in serious relationships that has allowed me to view dating as unrestrictive. And maybe I should worry less about semantics and just learn to accept a compliment.

Share This