ExposedNYC

In dating, as in life, I often refuse to learn a lesson unless I experience it for myself. There is no buying into commonly accepted practices here.

I can manage to convince myself that a sweater that I pick up off of a sale rack will fit perfectly, although rational thinking implies that numerous people have already done that in order for it to end up there.

I cling to a belief that I will eventually find professional security while maintaining absolute freedom and independence in lifestyle.

And, I can convince myself that there must be a reason why I haven’t heard from a guy I start to really like after three amazing dates.

Sure, I recognized that we never made plans for the next time we would see each other, but it still always happened. And he was always just as great as I remembered. And we never ran out of things to say to each other.

But then the texts began to come less frequently, and his job seemed to require more time. Still, I held on to hope and followed my girlfriends’ advice not to call him but let him be the one to ask me out. I dropped hints, letting sentences trail off with things like “I can’t wait to have Saturday night off…” but he never took the bait.

Finally, I gave up all hope and stopped responding to anything that seemed trivial- like texting me one night to ask if I was watching the Red Sox knowing that I’m not much of a baseball fan. I resolved to walk away and write this one off as another loss, as unsatisfying as it felt.

A few days later, my willpower crumbled into a few empty shot glasses and instead I chose to ask exactly what I was thinking. I was tired of dancing around, playing the game, and never feeling like I could learn from it when I didn’t know why things ended in the first place. I texted him, “Do we have any future, or are you bored already?”

Any self-help book would break me down for breaking rules. Don’t ask a guy about a “future” after three dates. Don’t accuse him of something you don’t want to hear an honest answer to. Don’t trust your 2:00am logic that tells you that now would be an appropriate time to broach the subject.

But you know what? The next day I got a reply apologizing for his being swamped at work and asking me to a movie that Friday night. This is why I’ll continue to shrug off the weight of conventional ideas, and you’ll find me scouring sale racks for a great date outfit before then.

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