ExposedNYC

One of the down sides of meeting someone while out of town is that you don’t really get a chance to know each other the way you would through the typical dating process. It’s generally a whirlwind affair sparked by a strong mutual attraction, and when you’re squeezing kisses into the minutes between flight times, sometimes you forget to ask things like what does your mother do for a living?

I met Boy Toy in September while home for a wedding and didn’t expect anything more than a brief out-of-town affair, until he made the first move to stay in touch and picked me up from the airport for Thanksgiving. Although there have been a few phone calls, our communication is largely over text messages- and I’ll take most of the blame because I’m not great on the phone. I’m so afraid of awkward silences that I tend to rush into an excuse to get off the phone at any hint of crickets chirping in the background. Being a writer, I’ve always felt that I come across better on paper, where I have time to collect my thoughts and say exactly what I mean.

But I do recognize the value in going through all of those basic questions. He does too, but neither of us can seem to break the habit of sticking to “I really wish you were here,” “Me too, why don’t you live closer,” which although reassuring, doesn’t really take us much further towards enlightenment.

So, at the risk of looking like a dork or a job interviewer, I sent him an email with three random questions. Not, “Where are you from?” or “What’s your favorite color?” but a few of the more out there ones that I’ve used in past interviews to loosen people up and get at answers that they wouldn’t give otherwise.

I know there is ongoing debate about whether email, texting, and all of the advances that allow us not to talk to each other are actually creating distance between people, but I also know that I’m more likely to give an honest reply hiding behind the wall of my laptop screen than I am stumbling over my words on the phone. When choosing the setting of a date, some people will take you to their favorite concert or a batting cage to show off their athletic ability. I’m simply asking him to step into the arena where I feel most comfortable.

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