ExposedNYC

Proving that I really am the guy in most relationships, I’m not the one who brought up the question. I’m usually much more comfortable coasting along, not talking about the large pink elephant blowing bubbles on a stool in the corner, but focusing on how much fun we’re having together. If it ain’t broke, do we have to talk about it?

Of course, this was before I met Boy Toy, a name that really doesn’t seem to fit because he’s grown into much more than that. When I met him in September, I knew I’d see him again at Thanksgiving. After that, it was just a couple weeks before I was home for the holidays so we never really had to deal with talking about the whole long-distance issue.

But, after New Year’s I don’t know the next time I’ll be home. There is no end date in sight for us to count down to and say “Is it XXXX yet?” He mentioned that we should probably talk about what we each expect, since we’ve both chosen not to bring it up so far. While I respect his maturity, my shoulders sighed when I thought having “real” relationship conversation after having only two weekends of frivolous first-date fun to get there.

Do we want to be exclusive? Probably not. We live on opposite coasts and I would feel completely limited if I didn’t have the freedom to experience everything New York has to offer, including East Coast men. Plus, I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask someone to wait for me with no end date in sight. I know I’ll move back someday, but I’m nowhere near done with NYC yet.

Do we want to talk about other people we’re dating? Absolutely not! I don’t want to hear a single detail, good or bad, unless it gets to the point where I have to. I’d rather be blindsided with an engagement announcement than hear about every first date, good or bad, that he goes out on.

What about when I’m in town? Of course I want to say he should drop everything and spend every minute that he can with me, but that’s not fair. I have friends that I want to see, and he has a life to live. I would be disappointed if I didn’t get at least a day with him on any trip.

Does this mean I have to spend every vacation flying home? I still want to travel the world! I want to go back to Europe and take long weekend drives to Washington DC and Boston. I don’t want to spend these times feeling guilty that I’m wasting a chance to spend time together.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I’m building a wall to avoid making a decision. I refuse to give up NY for someone I don’t know well enough, but I don’t want to give him up for NY when I know this city isn’t marriage material. What sucks (for lack of a more eloquent phrase) is that this is one of the first times that I don’t want to. I want to email, text, and talk on the phone. I want to learn more about him and tell him all of my stories. I just can’t ask someone, or expect myself, to run a marathon without a finish line in sight. It’s so much easier to accept a character flaw or a lack of interest as a reason why you can’t be together. Somehow this guy has made thousands of miles seem trivial.

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