As much as I love dating advice that I get from friends around the country, I really believe that regional norms have a large influence. What personality traits come to mind when I mention Southern California (laid back? superficial?), Texas (hospitality? family values?), or New York City (rude? fast-paced?)?
The factors that influence where a person lives also have to influence how a person dates. For example, I grew up in a medium-sized city where I have girlfriends who are settled down and some who are still playing the field. When comparing friends who moved away, the likelihood of those who chose smaller towns settling down shoots through the barn roof, while those in major metropolitan areas are out on the town drinking cosmopolitans.
My question is- How do our tactics need to change? Does the universal rule of “A man likes to be the pursuer,” remain the same in a city where an ambitious woman may also be his boss? In a city where most people I know have a day job and a side job (or a full-time one that requires 70 hours a week), can I expect the same time commitment form someone I’m dating as I would if I were in, say, Billings, Montana?
Some of the things I love about the people I meet in New York City- ambition, appreciation for the arts, a competitive nature- are also traits that I’m attracted to in a man. But does this work both ways? Do city boys want city girls? Or do they want an extremely traditional girl to balance out the demands of their life?
I’m interested on hearing what kinds of dilemmas people run into in various parts of the country. What makes it hard to date where you’re from? And what do you love about where you live? And any advice from fellow New Yorkers on what works for them?
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4 Comments
hmm…These are tough questions.
I have NO IDEA what men are looking for…
I was looking for an ambitious, fast paced, power hungry, hottie with deep pockets…but as of right now, I ended up with my best friend.
Posted Monday, January 21, 2008 at 3:04 pm | Permalink
In Seattle, you have to deal with the “Outdoorsy Guy” on a ridiculously frequent basis. He runs, he bikes, he skiis, he climbs mountains. And he wants a girl to do all this with him. Don’t get me wrong, I like bike rides, snowboarding and an occasional hike, I just don’t want to spend every breathing moment doing it. And if you don’t, you’re considered lazy of a high maintenance girl. It’s ok to not be outside, engaging in some extreme sport every day. Relax, dude…
Posted Tuesday, January 22, 2008 at 5:49 pm | Permalink
Yup, can’t emphasize what 20-something said enough. When I indulge in the online thing I literally have to clarify that when I say I like to be outside, it doesn’t mean that I am some mountain girl. Seriously. Because otherwise they will ask me how many times I’ve climbed Mt Rainier. I’ve grown up here, & it still drives me nuts.
A guy I briefly dated is from the east coast & one night he stopped to polish his shoes before we headed out. POLISH HIS SHOES. Unheard of in these here parts.
I suppose the benefit is if you do slap on a little make-up, wear pretty clothes & sassy shoes you command all kinds of attention. Granted, you’ll be labeled high-maintenance & shallow, but damn if they don’t enjoy the view.
Posted Tuesday, January 22, 2008 at 11:41 pm | Permalink
Yep, I’ve lived in the Pacific Northwest, so I know this guy! Now its kinda funny being a low-maintenance Manhattanite, because some of the guys are more label-obsessed than I am.
Posted Wednesday, January 23, 2008 at 1:53 am | Permalink
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