ExposedNYC

Tonight I was treated to a bit of a “This Is Your Life” kind of night as the universe paraded failed relationships in front of my eyes that spanned my entire existence in New York City.

I went to see Fred’s old roommate do a stand-up comedy show, knowing that I would probably run into him and his current girlfriend. I had made peace with this, chosen an outfit that was equal parts non-threatening and flattering, and brought a neutral friend as a safety net. I even made us a separate reservation, giving me and my girlfriend our own table and making it clear that I was there to support our mutual friend, not as a sad excuse to bump into him.

While waiting in the lobby to be seated, I glanced up and was struck by one of those staircase scenes straight out of a makeover movie. Descending with the same cool air that initially attracted me to him, was the first guy I had ever dated in the city.

Well, that’s if you could even call it dating. He had the look and swagger of a Brooklyn B-boy with a degree in theater- which being new to the city I found a thrillingly novel combination. We both worked in the one miserable corporate restaurant that would hire me after a month of unemployment, and which subsequently drove most of its employees to drink. Mix in flirting, and a lack of any money to hit the town, and we eventually ended up in his bedroom for our own entertainment.

Our ongoing “relationship” eventually fizzled because he wasn’t looking for any sort of commitment, and I withheld certain intimate behavior without the security of a label. We tried to remain casual for a while, but eventually realized that we were both looking for different things and were playing an endlessly unsatisfying game of tug-o-war hoping the other person would change their mind and give in.

As luck would have it, we were seated at the club in the center of the room with Fred in my right eye’s sight line and B-boy in the left’s. I was flanked by one man that I couldn’t convince to want me, and another that I couldn’t convince myself to want. As the comedians took the stage, I turned to my girlfriend and breathed a sigh of relief, thankful for the idea of laughter at what suddenly felt like a cruel joke.

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