ExposedNYC

My best friend once said to me in college that she worried I wasn’t as confident as I was in high school. I blame this on my habit of outgrowing ponds. At a small public high school in my hometown, I was confident because I wasn’t challenged. I could join every club, ace every test, and talk to anyone because I was never afraid of failure- I didn’t fail.

Fast forward a few years and I went to a large University where I suddenly realized that the world was full of my intellectual equals who surpassed me in ambition. I shrank a little. Hold that button down and you plop me into the center of Manhattan, home of the intellectually, artistically, and financially elite and you can’t blame me for occasionally being intimidated.

On those days when I do start to feel out of my league, I have a few tried and true stories to turn to, just to remind myself that I do have a fighter inside me…Sophomore year of high school I agreed to go on a date with a friend’s younger brother. Priding myself on usually hanging with an older crowd, I took a big swig of my pride and said yes to a date with a freshman. After all, he was cute, funny, and looked at me like an adoring young puppy.

It was everything you could ask for in dating without a driver’s license. We went to the movies, he paid for my ticket and bought popcorn (probably on Mom-borrowed money, but I didn’t let that taint the butter flavoring), and caressed the back of my palm with his thumb when he reached over to hold my hand halfway through.

After the movie, I walked him to the bus stop that would shuttle my petite prince home and waited for him to make a move. As the bus pulled up, he wrapped his arms around me for a hug and I silently gave him credit for both chivalry and leaving me wanting more. As I stood there in a dreamy adolescent haze, smooth skin and expectations free of the dating battle scars to come, I was content… and then he bounded off the bus, kissed me, mumbled good-bye, and jumped back on.

I stood there torn between pleased and horrified! Of course, it was a major ego boost to think that I was utterly irresistible, but he caught me by such surprise that I didn’t even have a chance to react, let alone kiss back! Still, I considered the night a success and couldn’t have imagined the wheels that bus had just put in motion.

To be continued…

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