ExposedNYC

Shit, it’s been almost a week. You know what they say to addicts, dieters, and anyone involved in a workout plan that falls off the wagon- don’t dwell on the past just pick up and do the best you can moving forward, one day at a time.

I can rattle off all the necessary excuses- working five different jobs in five days, and often more than one in a day, less than four hours of sleep in 72 hours, etc. but I know that you all have busy lives too. So, I’ll start my blogging return with what was one of the worst days I’ve had in recent history as my plea for your sympathy instead.

I was up early in the morning heading to an interview with a new promotions company that a friend recommended me for. This was my first impression so I wanted time to primp, preen and prepare to make the best first impression. But, my morning routine was interrupted with a friend who called with an emergency [a long story in and of itself] and needed me to move their car.

Having access to keys, and not being a native New York driver, I quickly agreed to what I imagined would an easy favor. I put the finishing touches on my face and raced out the door.

I neglected to consider New York’s parking laws, a complex mind-fuck of alternate sides of the street, double stacked cars and aggressive drivers. Imagine the confusion of deciphering tax laws from cryptic, sparsely-posted signs amidst the aggression of the Seinfeld battle over backing in versus head-first parking.

Realizing I was beyond behind schedule, I made the snap decided to drive to my destination, figuring I would pay for a parking garage nearby and send my friend an expense report of buying me a drink when it was over. I made it about three blocks before developing a newfound hatred/respect for New York City cab drivers.

I can’t decide if you need to be clinically insane to drive in New York, or if doing so on a daily basis leads you to exhibit the heightened levels of aggression, self-importance, and utter disbelief in the laws of physics that govern how many cars will fit into a constricted space. Either way, it was enough to have me swearing off of both these chicken and eggs in my daily transportation diet.

When I finally made it to sprinting distance of my appointment I started scanning fro a spot, and lo-and-behold there it was. I said a silent thank you to the karma parking gods who recognized my good deed- until I got out of the car and realized I had three of the four quarters necessary to feed the meter.

I raced into the closest store- a cleaner- and begged for mercy and change for a dollar bill. The man behind the counter humored me by glancing into a drawer before slamming it shut with a rattle of change and proclaiming “No quarters”. At this point I felt ridiculously defeated and turned to asking passers by for a spare quarter, embarrassed, but desperate.

One lovely gentleman rummaged through his pockets and turned up apologetically empty, but gave an even more valuable tidbit of information. “You know you can’t park there, right? It’s only for commercial trucks [a fact not expressed on either the sign or parking meter that had hungrily gobbled up my first three quarters].”

I gave up. I got back into my car, composed myself to the best of my ability and left a message for my employer that I was delayed due to circumstances beyond my control, but would be happy to reschedule and contort my back into whatever the position beyond backwards is to make up for it.

I climbed back behind the drivers seat, gave myself a few moments of therapeutic tears and pulled into traffic. Within blocks I was cut off by a swerving maniac and I decided to take out my built up frustrations by pounding a fist on the horn in front of me…. It stuck.

There I was, driving through the streets of Manhattan, haggard, screaming, and pounding on the steering wheel trying to make it stop, annoyed beyond belief and now spreading that annoyance to the people around me like the pestering buzz of an alarm clock interrupting your most tranquil dream- only this was my reality. At the very least, I now had a self-imposed censor to drown out the multitude of curses spilling from my mouth.

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