ExposedNYC

Let me just start by saying that it wasn’t forthcoming. The first communication I got the day after being asked along on someone else’s date was as noncommittal and oblivious as the previous evening’s actions. 

“Great to see you last night… ☺”

I almost had to laugh- what part of that experience had been anything remotely resembling great? I carefully formulated my response, trying to suppress the rage that would automatically get me labeled as ‘psycho’ but still make my point clearly. I called on the basic psychology lessons I’ve learned about expressing only how you feel instead of projecting onto the other person.

“I’m glad it was fun for you,” I replied, “because it was actually awful for me to tag along on your date last night. It made me feel like an idiot and really hurt my feelings. Why did you even invite me?”

He responded with a number of excuses-

He wasn’t expecting her to come out, they’d only known each other a week, he didn’t realize I had feelings for him, he’s fresh out of a few serious relationships and not sure how this whole dating thing works, he thought I’d have a good time with his friends, he’s not looking to be tied down, etc.

So I took each one as a prosecutors argument and shot them down-

What part about me approaching you and asking to get together, not to mention the whole kissing incident, led you to believe I wasn’t interested?

You might want to warn the girls involved if you’re not looking to be exclusive, and you sure as hell don’t want to sit them at the same table without warning.

Most of this is not complex dating etiquette but a matter of common sense and you’re too smart to play dumb convincingly. 

But here’s what kills me. The line that he ended with cut straight through the ball of rage and self-assurance surrounding me and pierced the pocket of loneliness and desperation that had me reading this apology at all.

“Because I think you’re wonderful.”

I wanted to accept it. I wanted that statement to make everything else okay. I wanted to believe that his intentions were pure and any actions to the contrary were just the oversight of the century.

Unfortunately, I’m an optimist, not an idiot.

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