ExposedNYC

I’ve heard a number of idiotic excuses from guys in the past as to why they didn’t want to get involved:

- “You’re too mature.”

- “You’re moving and I don’t want to get too attached.”

- “I’m afraid to tell my best friend, because he’s always really liked you too.”

- “You’re a bad kisser.”

And while I have to appreciate some (bros before hoes) and be thankful for others (Um, never realized immaturity was a virtue…) there is one consistent reason that I’ve heard on numerous occasions, one that has crawled up under my skin and bristles every time these words are uttered:

- “I’m not looking for a relationship.”

Now, on the surface this may seem like a perfectly reasonable statement- a clear, honest declaration of intentions- but upon deeper examination it has more hidden flaws than a Rock of Love contestant.

My first issue is that it’s a bit pessimistic. To walk into a date with someone saying not “lets see where this goes” but “this is definitely not going anywhere” is a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’m far from one to need an engagement ring on a second date, but to rule out any possibility before even starting seems to defeat the purpose of even getting to know someone.

My second issue with this is that it rules out one possibility, but doesn’t provide much clarity. Ok, you don’t want a “relationship”, but what do you want? Casual sex? Friends with benefits? To never to talk to this person again? To see how things develop with the possibility of changing your mind in the future?

The problem with speaking in negatives is that you don’t often get what you do want. I have no problem with people spelling out in clear terms their issues with emotional relationships, physical restrictions, etc., but purely telling me what a relationship is not doesn’t really help me determine what it is.

What exactly are you looking for?

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