Myself and many people I know call ourselves hopeless romantics, touting a belief in love at first site, true love, or at the very least a faithful partner. But there’s a big difference between wanting it and actually believing in it.
I was struck by my cynicism tonight as a girlfriend told the story of a meet-cute that was almost too good to be true (see, there I go doubting love already!). A girl lived here, the guy lived in England. They met while she was on a family vacation and decided to remain pen pals.
When the girl was in high school, and the guy was a few years ahead, he pulled the typical traveler’s move and called on his old American letter-writing connection asking for a place to crash.
Turns out, the girl’s friend had out-of-town parents and a crush on the guy, so he ended up spending the week there instead. There were no hard feelings among the girls, although all outside parties insisted that this was just a fling and the two would never last- I even found myself nodding in agreement.
I mean, c’mon, what are the chances that a college-aged British guy comes to America, meets a recent high school graduate, sequesters himself in her bedroom for half of his trip, and they live happily ever after?
Well, in this case, they beat the best Vegas odds. They stayed in touch, spent school vacations flying back and forth and taking turns arranging semesters abroad, and are now engaged to be married.
As I pined for the rehearsal dinner toasts full of lilting accents that this couple is bound to endure, I realized that I’m missing one of the major pieces that made their relationship work- they believed that it could.
They’ve had to defend the validity of their relationship every step of the way, conquering the endless doubts of friends and family members, the struggles of distance, and the stigma of finding each other before they could find their way to the nearest bar.
I can’t say I’m proud of it, but I imagine meeting this man and rolling my eyes as he promised to return home to another country and stay in touch, let alone stay faithful. How do I regain my faith?
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6 Comments
It happens more often than not. My friend Holly (www.nothingbutbonfires.com), the cutest British girl you ever will meet, met her beau at 16 when he was 20 through a series of chance encounters in Connecticut (seriously, great love story: if you ever have countless hours, go to her site and read some of her posts filed under Sean). It took them two years to get together, particularly because they were dating others, she went to boarding school in the UK then to college in London, as well, and now 10 years later, they are living together happily in San Francisco. TEN YEARS they’ve been together!
Also, SVV and I met in Holland, moved to Denmark, kind of dated casually for the year we were there (as casual as two people can be who are sharing a NINE-SQUARE-METER BEDROOM WITH SLANTED CEILINGS), with the intention of an “expiration relationship.” We both went back to our respective corners of the States - him to SF, me to NYC - and I was CRUSHED. We e-mailed every couple of days, talked on the phone once a week or so, but still I cried for months I missed him so much and didn’t think anything would ever come of it. Rewind to seven months later, he invites me to Hawaii to be his date to his cousin’s wedding, we decide we really should be together, live on opposite sides of the country doing long distance for more than a year after that, and now are happily cohabitating in beautiful California =)
SO, in essence, it can work out…for me, for you, for anyone. I was always a hopeless romantic with no justified reason for being so. Don’t lose that edge =)
Posted Thursday, April 3, 2008 at 1:42 pm | Permalink
This isn’t quite as grand as the other stories, but I am currently with a boy who had a crush on me in jr. high school.
I always knew who he and his brother were, but they are 2 years younger than me, so we never really were in the same circles.
Cut to 15 years later, I am ridiculously happy in a long distance relationship with someone I’ve (sort of) known since the Dark Ages of 7th grade.
However, it took me a long time to get to this place, with more than a few declarations of lost faith along the way.
Posted Thursday, April 3, 2008 at 9:24 pm | Permalink
I wish I had some words of advise….but I have long since lost my faith in dating / and men.
Posted Friday, April 4, 2008 at 9:02 am | Permalink
I came out of a long distance relationship last year where both parties were faithful and devoted to each other. But, we felt too young to get married and we had obligations in opposite ends of the world, so we broke up amicably. Although, the relationship was great, I too, am cynical about love these days - esp. long distance love (I will NEVER do that again). Love is a LOT of work that sometimes ends up nowhere. I haven’t written it off completely…I’m just on a hiatus.
So, don’t give up on love completely. It still exists between persons our age. It just takes mutual selflessness, a little luck and lots of patience. The question is are you ready to sign up for the challenge?
Posted Friday, April 4, 2008 at 2:46 pm | Permalink
It won’t seem like a stupid thing when the guy is WORTH flying across the country for.
By the way, call me when you find one worth that.
Posted Sunday, April 6, 2008 at 9:22 pm | Permalink
I’m right there with you. each time I feel like I can believe just a little bit more, it crashes and burns! I don’t know though … I’m trying to spin it by thinking I’ll appreciate the good one even more. if he’s out there.
Posted Thursday, April 10, 2008 at 4:11 pm | Permalink
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