I should have known something was suspicious from the guy’s opening line:
Looks directly at me, “I have to apologize…”
“Why?” I ask as girlfriend and I exchange glances.
“Because I really like the way she looks,” he replies turning to said girlfriend.
Okay, way to start on an arrogant note. Read The Game much, buddy? Making me feel like a jerk for not winning your approval and her blessed by your attention would be much easier if you weren’t a few years past your prime and vaguely familiar…
It took a few minutes into the conversation before I placed it. The topic of “What do you do?” came up, but I was distracted by his wingman before having a chance to listen to the reply. If I had paid attention I may have been able to cut the conversation off sooner and save my friend. What can I say, his wingman was a winning conversationalist.
But you brought up a hammock. How many men in New York have a hammock in their back yard (let alone a back yard?!). And I’ve slept in that hammock.
I’m obviously not your type because you didn’t bat an eye at our introduction. The last time we hung out, I was the wingman, along for the ride with a friend who wasn’t sure she wanted to be alone with you. You invited us back to your house, poured glasses of wine, and we piled onto the patio. I got quite a good night’s sleep in that hammock, when the two of you went inside and left this third wheel swinging.
But then you pulled out the same lines on my friend tonight. And you mentioned the mildly popular musician whose coattails you ride on for both your business and your pop culture relevance. You blew it, buddy. You didn’t call my last friend, and this one is half-interested at best.
The second you used the restroom I filled her in. I always thought it would be fun to grow up in New York, where in a city of millions you start to discover the same people running in the same circles. I just never thought hammock man would be a part of mine.
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7 Comments
At least he’s not BANANA hammock man.
…but seriously, in NYC, the only people you run into more than once are the douches.
Posted Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 8:35 am | Permalink
Im sorry to laugh at this, but the whole way you told this was pretty damn funny.
Posted Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 10:14 am | Permalink
ew!
Posted Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 2:27 pm | Permalink
That is classic! Did you ever alert him to the fact that you two had crossed paths before? Or did you two just leave while he was in the bathroom like he rightly deserved?
Posted Thursday, April 17, 2008 at 5:46 pm | Permalink
J- hilarious! Although I’m pretty sure that would have been a little MORE memorable
Camels & Chocolate- We didn’t embarrass him on the spot, but I did tell my girlfriend and one of his softball team members who overheard the conversation, so I’m sure he’ll get some locker room teasing. Being that guy is punishment enough in itself!
Posted Friday, April 18, 2008 at 4:30 am | Permalink
Glad you saved your friend from that loser.
Posted Friday, April 18, 2008 at 9:04 am | Permalink
So after that nice little compliment on Charmings Blog I had to come check out your writing… Yes I’m sorry, no blog of my own…I wrote for about 2 years and never got many comments and it bothered me…so I deleated it after rereading many of my posts- I became frustrated that my life really isn’t all that exciting to be writing about…”normal guy, just turned 30, complains about: teaching, all friends are married (or about to) to shy to just approach, but really nice and cool and not bad looking” lol. So that’s it…I read and comment on many, and try to have an open mind and not be too judgemental. That’s me.
Posted Sunday, April 20, 2008 at 1:43 am | Permalink
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